Send the warrior home...

"Where are you fighting? Consciously make an effort to let go of the struggle and send the warrior home" was what my yoga teacher said today when we were doing a particularly challenging hamstring stretch. It was then that I realized that the fight was not only with my muscles being affected by the asana but it had surely permeated into other aspects of my life.

Fighting - to keep hopes alive, to understand why things wont work out the way I want it to, to make sense of impossible situations, to find a way to understand emotions and the irrationality of my thoughts, to understand why changing my mind about certain things is more difficult than I imagined it to be, to figure out why I cling onto hopes without any real reason backing it up, to understand how a few words can change years of great conversations, to hold on to something without really rationalizing why its so important to have it in my life, to understand why it felt like I had stopped breathing for a minute. Then I realize this fight has been going on for years and years in my head and the more I have fought for what I want or "think I want", the farther away it seems, tantalizingly close yet frustratingly out of reach.

Thats when it came to me. It is that simple really. I just need to stop the fighting and internal battles. You see - giving up has not been something that comes easy to me. The eternal "hope" that things have a way of working out has been ingrained in my mind since I can remember. Giving up without a fight is surely a sign of weekness no? Actually - it is not or so I realize after all these years. There comes a time when giving up is a perfectly good choice and its not so tough after all. Stop fighting and things will be different. This will mean you need to completely let go of the pictures you have painted in your thoughts, whatever it might revolve around.

On the drive back home from yoga class, my resolve has taken shape and definition. I am going to stop fighting. I cannot really explain what I was fighting for or why I was fighting with myself for so long. I just need to remember this anytime I am tempted to face the battle again. The struggle has finally come to an end I think . Peace of mind is within arm's reach now.